Crisis Care
April 19, 2008
I was recently forwarded a fantastic resource for insights on all types of issues and circumstances you may face in ministry. It is from the capable hands of those at the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. Check this out:
Please let me know if you have come across anything similar that could be of benefit.
God bless you as you serve Him when times are smooth, and in crisis.
How to strengthen Families in the Church.
December 13, 2007
Here are a few simple things that can impact families right away in your ministry:
1. Know that you really CAN have a positive impact on families! There are some great resources available to grease the wheels of this momentum like Reggie Joiner’s site at www.reThinkgroup.org and conferences like www.theorangeconference.com.
2. Strategically think about all the family groups currently in your church. How do you strengthen them? Don’t worry so much about who isn’t there, begin with who is and the different issues that would be great to address, encourage, and promote with your people.
3. As I have said before, don’t reinvent the wheel. Listen for special events in your area and jump on board. If Tommy Nelson is coming to town, or there is a special LifeWay enrichment event, as long as it is Biblically true and sound, get a group and go.
There is so much more that can quickly impact families positively, let me know what works where you serve!
Wedding Tips: The Rehearsal
October 11, 2007
Ah, your first wedding ceremony. Don’t be scared, you’ll do great! Let me offer up some quick tips though that will keep you on track and help you focus this time of worship for this couple:
1. Decide in advance that you will run the rehearsal, and have your gameplan in place. The rehearsal does not need to be run by the mom, mother-in-law, florist, photographer, nor anyone else. You are in charge of this worship experience, this is your responsibility.
2. Before the rehearsal, make sure during one of your premarital counseling appointments you have discussed the ceremony itself. I use a similar format with all weddings as outlined in books like The Pastor’s Wedding Manual. The warmth of the ceremony comes from the application to the couple being married, but my format really does not change.
3. I begin the rehearsal itself with everyone gathered for prayer, with a special emphasis on how this will be a joyful, God honoring time. Then I place everyone as they will be for the heart of the ceremony, with bride and groom near me on the platform for vows and rings, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen on the steps as they will be in the heart of the ceremony. If tape needs to be used on the steps or platform so all remember where they are headed that is fine. Then I have them exit as they will at the end of the ceremony. We practice marching in, me and groomsmen first, followed by bridesmaids and their march one at a time to the front. Then the bride enters, after I have asked all to stand. We then proceed through the ceremony as outlined in a book like above. The couple has the freedom to place special songs and such throughout this standard service where they like. So really, you are experiencing the ceremony 1 and a half times per se.
4. Don’t forget important people: Sound technicians, childcare workers, caterers, ushers, photographer, instrumentalists, and the florist to name a few. Help take some pressure off of the bride that day by helping her think through scheduling, and important folks like these at premarital counseling.
5. Help the bride make this her special day. Help the groom make it special for her. This day is to celebrate and consecrate their lives together.
And as always, have fun. This is a celebration! Of all the things I experience as a minister, weddings seem to be the event with the most concentrated pressure on the service. Work to make it as perfect as possible, but as the minister keep it focused on the most important things.
Men’s/Women’s Ministry
September 29, 2007
As the Minister of Education where I serve, I really am fulfilling a title I had at another church, Minister of Families. I get the honor of impacting families, new, young, old, single, and it is a ball.
One of the blessings of being a minister is being able to hear from so many and their passion in the church. Not everyone is excited or focused on the same area, and thank the Lord for how He gifts people in the Body to fulfill so many different needs.
One arm of family ministry in our church is the men’s and women’s ministry. Our women’s ministry has flourished with some common elements that would boost any ministry:
1. Led by a gifted person who simply focuses all the ladies and their passions in one direction, vision, and mission. Remember, not everyone is excited about the same thing.
2. People are activated to lead with their giftedness and passion. On this women’s team, there are leaders for discipleship, special events, hospitality, retreats, missions, prayer, and mentoring to name a few.
3. Ministries are validated and elevated to new levels, but also, priorities are brought into light. There are ministry-wide events, and events or groups that are not.
Pray as I do that the Lord will bless you with passionate Spirit-filled people, and capable leadership!
Marriage/Crisis Help
September 27, 2007
One of the best resources I have come across in help with couples, is direction from H. Norman Wright. His books for premarital help, and couple communication and health are extremely helpful.
He also has excellent direction and counsel in the area of crisis and grief counseling. Check out his wisdom at www.hnormanwright.com.
Family Help
September 17, 2007
Parenting. What a blessing, but what a workout! I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father does not leave us alone in raising our kids, and that He truly is the ultimate source and model of unconditional love.
If you are looking for an excellent resource for families in your ministry to benefit from in both resources, and conferences, check out Dr. Tim Kimmel at Family Matters. I had the opportunity to hear Dr. Kimmel at a recent convention, and I was certainly blessed. Now I have read one of his books, Raising Your Kids for True Greatness.
Let’s make a commitment to help our couples and families. Thank the Lord for the skill of folks like Dr. Kimmel!
Listening
September 15, 2007
When it comes to pastoral counseling/help in the office or out, the key is listening. I find it hard at times to remember the power of active listening and reflecting back what I am hearing, and the ineffectiveness of thinking of what I will say as soon as there is a break in the person’s communication.
There are simple formulas and techniques for listening:
Person A says they feel/think such and so…
Person B reflects back “so you felt…” or a sentence summary of content.
Person A affirms or corrects your understanding with “yes, and not only that but…” OR “No, I really wasn’t scared, I was mad…”
Listening helps you really be able to get to core issues, bear others’ burdens, and show genuine concern and care.
One great resource for active listening training is The Art of Helping by Robert Carkhuff.
Easy Marriage Enrichment Events
September 10, 2007
Ah, the marriage retreat. There are some really good resources out there, content, speakers, and location, not to mention providers of the whole deal.
But retreats carry their own drawbacks too:
1. Childcare for a weekend get-away is not always easy for some couples in your church.
2. The expense of the event itself.
2. Couples that attend could be doing really well and are always attending great events. There could also be couples who are on the verge of real crisis and this is a last effort to try and make it work. These are both fine, but I am also concerned about the couples who believe they are doing fine, but really aren’t. How do I get them to a retreat? When could I impact the most couples?
I bring the retreat to them.
I have been providing broad-scale marriage enrichment, and it has been during our Sunday School hour for all married adults. Why? This hits motivated, unmotivated, and crisis couples alike. No cost. It is a booster, but it does provide help to marriages, and opens the door for couples to know they can come in for more direction.
I promote the great retreats that are available to our couples, but keep in mind having a marriage retreat on Sunday Morning. Let me know if I can help you locate a provider!
Men’s Integrity
September 10, 2007
After serving on an anti-pornography team with the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma, it did not take long to find the statistics supporting the rampant and devestating effects of the distortion of human sexuality. As ministers, we must be vigilant in providing direction in how to safeguard one’s home and family, and also provide a place of safety and correction when a brother/family needs help.
Here are a few resources that I have found particularly helpful especially in dealing with men and healthy sexuality:
1. Every Man’s Battle/Every Young Man’s Battle by Steven Arterburn gives great insight and direction for men and young men to stay pure.
2. Every Man’s Battle Workshop designed to help in intense situations, and this website has great links.
3. Web filters to help like Integrity Online and Be Safe.
4. False Intimacy by Harry Schaumburg with a stark description of this problem.
5. In a positive way, provide opportunities to strengthen couple relationships, help with parenting skills, build up your men in ministry, and train your men in core discipleship. Be proactive in leading and training in all areas of men’s lives. It will shore them up when trials come, and create an open door if help is needed.
Address this issue with your men. Don’t simply wait for the times of crisis to come to your door.
Premarital Counseling Tip
July 31, 2007
Do you ever wish that as a new leader you had a guide to help you share and lead premarital couples in the right direction? Do you ever feel a disconnect between the topics you may feel are important and what the couple is really struggling with?
In seminary, I was introduced to a unique tool for use in premarital and marital pastoral counseling. It is the Prepare/Enrich Assessment. This tool is very user friendly. Many conventions offer training for certification, that is very straightforward and easy to attain.
Prepare is designed for premarital guidance, and Enrich as an assessement and guide for those married couples needing a boost.
Think of it like this. Instead of you guessing, or working for hours to discover issues, P/E gives you a snapshot of areas of strength and areas of growth that are unique for each couple. Then it gives you the road map for discussion, plus clear guidance in communication and conflict management. Plus, you’ll be strengthening your pastoral counseling/listening skills for many issues.
My dad, who has pastored for almost 50 years has been delighted to use this in his ministry! Check it out. Find a training time and location in your area by visiting here.